Some of you know that I’m a counter. I can do anything as long as I can count it down. Here are some things that I’ve counted: 184 school days. 23 more papers to write. 30 sessions of radiation treatment. 195 days until the cul-de-sac churro party. 9237 more steps to the pub where we’re staying. No matter how high the numbers are when I start, as long as I’m counting down, I’m good.

But grief doesn’t count down. The numbers only keep growing. So here we are on day 4,018. A day that’s easier in some ways than day 35 or day 137 or day 1,643. But also a number that is already too high and only going to increase.

Today I share words from Nelba Marquez Greene, who is on a grief count-up of her own and who, through the Ana Grace Project, has worked to transform some small portion of that terrible grief into help and care for thousands of children. She writes:

There are 145 days until the ten year mark of the sandy hook murders and therefore Ana’s execution. But do you know today is somebody’s first day without their loved one. Today is someone’s 30th year. Today is someone’s ….

And then we have the people comparing and contrasting and evaluating loss. Like grief actuaries. We need to unemploy the grief actuaries. Let grievers be.

Be on the team that supports grieving people. All of them. Be in relationship with grieving people. So we/ they can survive. We intend to live these days with joy. With love. With purpose. With intention.

Until we see you, again, caramel princess. We teach. We live. We breathe. We laugh. We work. We weep. We rejoice.

And every griever needs people supporting them along the way. No shame in that.

I was blessed to be reminded of these photos yesterday.

In loving memory of ALL gone too soon- and the ones left behind to mourn them.

💜 nmg

Nelba Marquez Greene, The Ana Grace Project

On day 9 I shared these words:

First assignment. There is someone in your life who you need to thank. Today, find that person and share your gratitude.

Second assignment. There is someone in your life who is new to the community, or is alone, or is in need of help. This week: reach out to that person.

Third assignment. There is a need in your community that you are uniquely suited to address. This month: do what you can to fill that need.

Yesterday, I was given the gift of this poem. Perhaps it will help you with your own third assignment as we move forward into day 4019.

The Clearing

Do not try to save
the whole world
or do anything grandiose.
Instead, create
a clearing
in the dense forest of your life
and wait there
patiently,
until the song
that is your life
falls into your own cupped hands
and you recognize and greet it.
Only then will you know
how to give yourself to this world
so worthy of rescue.

Martha Postlethwaite

Robert, Ana-Maria, Sam, and Veronica. We love you and we miss you. May our songs ring out in your memory.