Carla, Ana Maria’s niece

I miss you so much Ana; it has been 3 weeks, and I still cannot believe you are all gone. I carry you with me, but sometimes it is not enough. I love you all, so much. I wanted to include the words I spoke at your memorial, if only to reach out somehow…..

When I thought about what to say about Ana Maria, I realized that if I talked about what she meant to me, it would probably resonate with everyone who knew her. She was such an honest, open person, just wholly herself.

Ana was 13 years older than I am; she was born January 1, 1961. She was my aunt, but she was also my sister and another mother. Most of all, she was my mentor and friend. When I was about 8, I would look forward to her visits from college so much that I could not stop smiling the whole day. My face would ache from smiling so much. She would visit and make my lunch and put little notes in my lunch box saying, “I love you.” She would hold my hand until I fell asleep at night, tell me funny stories, and build blanket forts with me.

When I was in high school, Ana Maria moved in with my mother, sister, and me. We were a house full of women; even the cats were female. We had one male dog, Scootchie, who I like to say ran away because the house was too full of estrogen! What I remember most from those days were just the feelings of security, love and fun whenever I was around her. Ana was in her late 20s at the time, and she and my sister, who was then 8 years old, would spend a lot of weekends going to garage sales just to look at and pick up random silly stuff, like a huge stuffed purple snake. They called that “garage sale-ing,” and they did it just for laughs, which was totally an Ana Maria thing to do.

After that, Ana moved to a cabin on the top of Montebello Road. She was working as an engineer at Phillips Semiconductors then, but she also worked at the bookstore Printers Inc, because she loved books so much. I think it was during that period of time that she met Robert, and I cannot remember a moment when I doubted that they would be together forever.

Ana was such a smart, curious person. She was always wanting to learn, and she would pass that knowledge to me, in the form of books or cds, whenever she could. She had no limit to her curiosity; in fact, she never saw limitations or obstacles in anything. Instead, she always saw challenges as things she could solve or fix. When she and Robert married and lived together in Palo Alto, she decided to redo the furniture, and that is what she did. She took furniture apart, reupholstered it, then put it back together, and it looked professional. She told me that she learned the hard way to write down how she took stuff apart, so she could put it back together again.

When she decided to go back to work after the girls were in school, she took a part-time job. She enjoyed it, but when she realized she wanted to head in another direction, she started her own business. She kept the part-time job but also had the energy for her own business as well as be a mom and a huge help to El Carmelo school. She was truly tireless.

She was also so creative. She made the most amazing costumes for the girls; I remember one costume was a magic mirror; another was an alligator head. They looked like a costume shop had made them, and when I told her how great they were, she would just smile and say that she had fun doing it. She hosted art camp at her house and put on plays and fashion shows with the neighborhood children.

I think what inspired me most about Ana Maria is that she never gave up and she only saw the potential in people and things. I never saw her get discouraged, and I think that is truly amazing and awe inspiring. She believed in herself and the people around her, and she lived her life with grace, humor, and kindness. She opened her heart and her home to anyone who needed her. She was truly the best mother, sister, daughter, aunt, and friend that anyone could ever ask for.

I am devastated by this loss, as I am sure you all are. What brings me a little peace is to think of what she would want. I can picture her telling me to get up, get moving, and focus on the positive. She would want us to celebrate her life and to treasure what we have right now, which is each other. Most of all, I don’t think she would want us to be sad for long. She would want us to be at peace. I think of that when I think of her. Ana was also a very spiritual person, and she believed in angels. I truly feel like she is with me now, and that helps as well. When I see how many people she touched, I am grateful that I had her in my life. She will always be a part of me, and I think a part of you.

Thank you.

Ana, I am trying to listen to you, in my heart. But it is so hard. I think of you all every single day. I love you.